Yes, Virginia, I am a Transgender... so stop gawking and have some cake. Hi there folks :) Its me your newly minted Captain Chris Underwood (and I've got the mints to prove it! -thanks Brenda-n-Frank! ). At the last couple of meetings, some of you may have noticed some significant changes with me. Those of you in my inner circle know the deal. Those on the outskirts or new members altogether, may not have a clue as to what is going on with me. And then there's some of you who know what's going on, but don't really understand the implications. This last group I don't really fault for getting mixed up, it happens. But if you know and respect me, then this should help you keep the facts straight. So, Without further waxing disclaimery, Let us begin...

Transgender is a catch all term. It refers to anyone who is TRANScending GENDER. Gender is a term referring to social roles within society generally assigned by physical sex characteristics. IE- one's sex organs usually determine how people interact with other people over the course of maturation. If you've got a penis, you're generally considered a boy, and if you've got a vagina, you're generally considered a girl. There are other folks who have both sex organs all rolled into one. They are referred to as INTERSEXED.

A Transgendered person is someone who is one physical sex, but emulates or takes on all or some of the characteristics of the opposite sex. The term is applicable both ways. Included in this category are Transvestites, Crossdressers, and Transsexuals, and occasionally the intersexed.

This begs a little term definition;

What are you then.. specifically?

I am a Transsexual. More specifically I'm a Pre-Op MTF (Pre-Operative Male to Female). This basically means that over the course of the next two to three years, I'll be transitioning from male to female and that I've had no surgery for this yet.

Umm is he.. uh she.. um.. they Straight/Gay or What?

This is the proverbial rub that causes 99% of confusion I think among society.

Typically alot of insecure straight men get very angry when they find out about a transsexual like myself. This CAN lead to violence (because they feel as if they've been tricked (as if this was our goal) and if they were checking us out prior to aquiring the knowledge of our true nature... then well, they feel embarrassed (poss. going into the "I'm not Gay mode", and blame us for making them feel interested in us romantically. The testosterone kicks into overdrive and they feel like they have to act like 2 year olds and throw a tantrum.. and some punches.), or it can simply lead to a situation in reasonable folks, where they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to do. (I have personally been blessed with the fact that some of the people I have confided in, or encountered, get the facts at hand and ask questions to things they don't understand.)

But aside from all of that, here's the answer to the question above, not because I feel I'm required to loose this information, but because I think it'll just make things easier in the long run, if folks know *exactly* where I slot in this pegboard.

I fancy women. I like women, always have, always will. The fact that I'm transitioning to be female physically will only reinforce this fact. So I'm getting this out of the way now. On occasion I have been known to fancy a very select few males out there (you know who you are) and they have been so kind as to make the first move. So I can switchhit for either team, but make no mistake, if one is male and so inclined, then the ball is in said person's court to press any perceived advantage.

I, my , me is he a she or she a he, or what can I say to be P.C.?

Right now, P.C. egg shell walking really ticks me off. I prefer to be referenced in the 'she and her' spectrum though, as being female is where I'm going. If you forget, or slip up or don't care, that's fine. But if you do care about that sort of thing and my preferences in the matter, then now you have your answer. Reference me as she or her (Eg.: Wow, She made Captain!?! or 'It only took her 10 years to make Captain. She must be proud' ;)

Why are you this way?

Because the I/O switch in my neural net processor was set to F and then was installed into this biologic organism. Don't blame me, blame Cyberdyne. They screwed up the body order.

But Seriously. Its something that they (the medical community) simply hasn't been able to identify a cause for. I personally think its a decision made on the otherside before we come to this world, but that's my own humble. For reasons we can't fathom, a body comes available and foom! We go... somewhere in the transition into being, there was a mixup and voila... here we are... mismatched soul in body.

Myself, I've always known I was a femme. My first best friend's name was Nicole. We used to have a blast playing with Barbie and Teresa when we were 4 or so. Then as time moved on my cousin Dianna and I used to pretty much be joined at the hip for at least 10 years or so (Get your minds out of the gutter). Having two rough and tumble brothers was probably a factor... (Had enough rough and tumble EARLY on, to not want to deal with that anymore). But I'd have to say that well, being brought up since I was six on the entire femme side of the family, and not really having much use for men, probably helped me in this direction.

Six eh? What happened at six?

At age six I was repeatedly assaulted sexually by my babysitter David. This occured at least 7-8 times before I figured out why he was adamant that I not say anything about it. This enlightenment came about one night, when he made me do something I emphatically didn't want to do, (my depth perception and size differentiometer being quite keen by this point), and he raped me. So after that, the next time he was called to sit, I FREAKED OUT. Explaining the situation in six year old speak in the middle of night helped the situation for me immensely.

Woah! So this is a reaction to that trauma then?

No... Its not. That Trauma I left behind consciously that very night. I'd already been on my path prior to this happening at six years old. From here on out though, I pretty much realized where the higher empathy of the family was, where the goodies came from and basically who watched my back around my brothers, et al. The Female side of the family. And this was, of course where all the fun was, imho. So from six I pretty much resumed my training being programmed from the femme perspective.

Of course, there were other complications, like huge amounts of jealousy when my cousin Stephanie came to live with us and got all the kinds of attention I was dying for from my mom, but well that's a conversation for another day.

Getting back to less stressful topics, um sometimes you wear women's clothes and stuff but little or no makeup or anything... we're confused.. are you?

I get comments like this on occasion. Basically some folks assume that I'm not really a transsexual or that I must be confused because I don't show up in full makeup or sometimes I show up with a goatee. I understand how it can be confusing. But let me set it straight.

Sometimes I just get tired of the effort required to get gussied up. In general, I don't do it often at all because a real effort is about 2 hours worth of work at the moment. Most times I'm just content with light makeup and clothes and I'm done. Sometimes I just don't bother with makeup or shaving facially because it actually hurts to shave too often. Now, once I get through my LHR (Laser Hair Removal) treatments, makeup time will go from like 20-30minutes, to like 5..maybe ten depending (foundation needing to be minimal at that point) and then I'll be wearing makeup all the time, and never again will I worry about the goatee or 5 o'clock shadow and neither will you be plagued with questions about it ;)

Suffice to say, I am quite comfortable with the reasoning here. Comfortable with being a transsexual and committed to seeing this through. Incidentally though, all my clothes are women's and have been for many years now.

Recent Events

Well I had hoped to go to press without too much more in the way of text, but some things recently have reared their collective heads of ick, and so I make mention of them here, simply because it bears mention for those that either (a) may care or (b) may have a stake in it or (c) may be reading this and going through something similiar or know someone who is.

Recently I had the displeasure of finding out something that I really thought IDIC was insulating me from in this organization. One of the many things that someone in my position has got to deal with is the unstable environment this change can cause and the rifts in friendships that can result.

Because of rude remarks or sometimes simply opinions given without thought, Transgendered folks can sometimes find themselves staring down a close friend that seems for a split second or an Aeon to be a total stranger, or worse, a threat.

Not long ago, only a week in fact, I had the displeasure of marking my first such event. For a moment, someone close seemed alien to me, and I had the sudden urge to lay the smackdown on him for a comment that amounted basically to, "You won't be a real woman because you can't bear children".

For those keeping track and for the record, I am well aware that I do not and will not possess a uterus or ovaries and that undergoing surgery for this condition of mine, will, in point of fact, make me sterile. Comments such as those mentioned, only point out a capability I will never be able to reclaim and, make these people look like asses because they fail to take into account that one can be female AND sterile. Millions of women are, for one reason or another. This does not preclude them from being women.

The way I see it, I was born disfigured, with the physical characteristics of a male, though this is about the only thing of me that classes this way presently. I'm working on conforming my body to the proper specifications, as I see them, as only *I* can see them. If you respect me, or your fellow humans, I entreat those who have issues with this kind of change, to think before you speak. Words can sometimes do more damage than a cannon and can have unexpected unwanted results.

And that's the end of this article :)

I hope you folks found this informative! If you have any questions, feel free to post them to me by email at diva@ussavenger.org.

-Hathor Loves You..Good night :)