I've had the urge to be evil lately. It comes from the hordes of people that are constantly bombarding me with questions and stuff by text messaging, or by the fact that since they don't have a cell phone or email, they don't understand that I am a net-addict and that really, if you want to reach me, you've either got to have text message capabilities.. or email… and if you don't… good luck. Chances are, you'll get a callback from me sometime around 10,191.

Its not that I don't check my Voicemail.. I do, but I pay for my celly minutes, and being that I'm broke, at 25c a minute, you're far more likely to get me to expend the 10c per txt over the former… and only if its important or interesting, and not in all caps. ..and likely I'll respond while I'm driving or something so bear in mind if you receive a response.

But that's just one of the pet peeves turning me to the Dark Side. Since I started speaking up about my Transgendered status, people have been coming out of the woodwork.. okay, women have been coming out of the wood work, expressing an interest in getting to know me better, boardroom, rec-room, or bedroom.

Now, this, in and of itself, does not bother me, (its flattering really), except that in order to keep these hoardes of attractive folks happy and feeling reached out and touched, its costing me an arm and a leg and putting a real crimp in my snooze and be-creative-to-avoid-depressive-episodes time. Moreover, I feel bad because a lot of these women feel I'm ignoring them, so there's added stress to the mix and the fact that now I gotta worry about some of them visiting/calling at work (did you get my messages?..grrr)… which I'm getting yelled at for.

I gotta be me though, and I s'pose that incites people to come to the skirts of the Lady Courtesan, seeking counsel, attention and the no-nonsense, this is the real shit, not bullshit attitude that comes with my personality. My street-cred, ironically, is doing more to put me on the street financially, than to put a roof over my head. ( Though my reputation is gaining fabulousness...)

Were I evil, well, actively.. chaotically as it were, I might try and recoup some of my financial losses in mindgames, flesh, and a few more sneaky commodities. But I'm more Lawful evil… or bending seriously towards true active neutrality.

So now, I'm thinking that acting as a payed escort might just be the ticket. But in the meantime, whilest I make up my mind about that, I'm looking to my cafepress store and to my pal, the new Ops Chief, Tony, (and to some cool art provided by Todd ) to help me put together some merchandise that can help me get a jumpstart to offset my costs of transition, (the real culprit of uberstress). (Did that thought train just derail tangentally without warning or what?)

Okay, so maybe I am bitching on just a whole general level tonight, but really, what I'm trying to say is that evil pays mucho… but I'd rather just be comfortable. Or at least, evil enough to be a bad kitty (think Jeanette from 'Forever Knight') and be able to afford the occasional mudslide or arrange a pizza party or something cool and be able to contribute to them myself.

Or maybe I am just bitching to bitch. Wouldn't be the first time.

Ah well, gotta fly.

(c 2003, Lourdes C., Recreation Dept., Medical Division, USS Avenger NCC-1860)

Addendum: Just put up my Cafepress site to help with all this. You can go to http://www.cafepress.com/lesravienne and help a girl out. Make sure to share the link with your friends ;) This works better in mass ;)