Alot has been going on since last I posted, over a month ago. Mike Smith has been elected R7 Regional Coordinator,Alex Rosenzweig has stepped down from that post and returned to Sciences nearly full time (excepting any fleet duties he still maintains leadership of), Avenger's gotten a new security chief, communications chief, and an Asst. chief has stepped up and took over the reins of Medical after Ann Marie took leave. And several other things of note both great and small.

Right now, I'd like to take a moment and come clean about a few things.

In the beginning of these rants, I took it upon myself to be startlingly straight forward and honest about things, believing that that is what is needed both to voice my opinion on all things fleet, and on my own medical condition. In the past 8mos, I have noticed that I've been biting my tongue and shying away from the tough topics, relegating my musings to filler material or things of general interest with little chance of riling folks up.

I've been less than forthcoming. And I apologise. I'd like to say this stops now, but it isn't going to for a rant or few because there are things in the balance which require a delicacy of handling that this public forum simply can't provide. But I wanted to tell those that have noticed, that I see it too and that as soon as I can return to status quo, I will. I ask that you bear with me for these times, and I will disclose what I can with the openness you expected from me and I from myself, when I started doing this.


A Disturbance In The Force

A few days ago, I awoke and went immediately to the phone. Something didn't feel right and I hopped a call to Ann Marie right away. She was there. As she always is. I found out what you all should be aware of now, that Ann Marie is no longer a candidate for heart replacement and that she has llimited time left with us. I'm sorry, but that's the fact.

Many of us in the last 8 months have taken issue with some decisions and comments that have come from Ann Marie and I have had more than one rumble, albeit via proxy, with her on some issues. I will however not go into them here. Would be against some promises made on some resolutions therein. So being on both the friend and adversary list at times I think what I'm about to say should be poignant.

Take some time and go visit with her. Sad as it is, Ann Marie will, hopefully later than sooner, not be with us in the future, and if one is preserved forever in memory, then I'd like those to be good ones and as many as possible. One day we'll look back on our Bonny lass and realize that we may have had some rough spots now and again, but that we had a shining personality of an alpha female in our midst and that we are all better off for it. Don't deny yourselves that. As well, Ann Marie could use the visitation, could use good memories and kind hearts and to be able, when it is time, to pass beyond the mortal coil, knowing that friends will speak of her in the times to come, and that she will not be forgotten.

Sorry to sound so morbid folks, but the time is now, its here. Make use of the time we have left.


Love Life...

Well can't go into too much detail but I can say this, Susanne and I are just friends now. Time and schedules made things real difficult to keep up an ongoing relationship, and as much as I hated to do it, I had to break it off. Susanne and I are friends still though and hang out on occasion and things are good there.

Which is why this next part is going to sound really odd. I'm in love. I won't say with whom or from where and you're going to have to trust and respect that I can't name names or be more specific, but I can say that she is not the reason as some of you may be thinking, that my relationship with Susanne ended. This relationship, as its firming up to be, came from the blue after the fact and she's a very special woman. And she is aware of my Transgendered status and weighing the risks, is fine with it.

Hopefully, I'll be able to share more in the future, but for now, I'm happy and that's what matters, which is why I let ya know ;)


Bust Sizing

Well its official boys and girls... 34B cup so far and got a C in my sights. Between Premarin and Estradiol injections (ouch!) the torso region of the Lady Courtesan is on the increase. I've basically been told that between July and October, I can expect them to get up to a grand size of "Nice Rack" and I'm looking forward to it.

Are there any trepidations? Well not really, I mean, when I first noticed the tissue expanding I was ecstatic and clinical and then when I noticed going past A cup I simply freaked out. I went nutsoid, screamed internally and then sipped a chai and chilled out. I got myself together and reminded myself that I should've been expecting this and after a few minutes repose, I was fine with it. Now I'm noticing minute changes every day and its all good. Just kinda snuck up on me out in the open is all.


Personality Shift

One of the side-effects to being on hormones, is seeing alot of change, from hair becoming fine and silky to hair growth significantly slowing in alot of areas, its alot of chemistry going on, but one of the things I have noticed is a subtle personality shift from, 'In your face' to, 'how can I say this without saying THIS.'

Basically I've noticed passivity and subterfuge becoming the focus of my skillsets when dealing with people these days and I'd like to say it wasn't the hormones, but um, that's the only causal I'm noting. Well that and I'm hanging almost exclusively with women now (except my roommates) so I guess it could be that doing it, or a mixture of both.... I don't know, discuss amongst yourselves.


The Round Up

Okay Kids, this is a post a couple days in the making in spare time so, that being said, I have to bring this to a close now so I can get some sleep and get to work tommorrow.

As I speak, Tony is up and in New Jersey for the picnic and + or minus 10 or so days, so keep him busy and well entertained. Take him to lunch or dinner and ask him stories about Kentucky, you are bound to be howling in laughter at some crazy stuff that, even I, just can't make up.

Aside from that my brain is turning to slosh (hopefully not in response to dyeing my hair tonight.... Feria 57 in Cardinal Red) and I'm going to be searching out more mountain dew soon, so I'll just run and have done. Anything else, will be saved for the next rant.

Thank you for watching :)




(c 2003-2004, Lourdes C., Recreation Dept., Medical Division, USS Avenger NCC-1860)